Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
