All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
