she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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