Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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