She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
