I think im going to throw up on grandma
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
