then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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