i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
