it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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