based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
