Its about making memories worth repressing
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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