I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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