i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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