if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
