I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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