I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
