never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
