hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
