Your dad touched me again.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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