i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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