i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
