Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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