I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
