no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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