Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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