Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
