there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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