it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
