There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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