I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
