so that wasnt chicken after all
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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