GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
is wine microwaveable?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
