I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
