u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
