hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
