probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
