i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's rum buckets o'clock
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize