Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
