I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
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and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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