Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
