I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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