I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
