and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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