ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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