i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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