its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Alive.
So much puke
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
