Someone shit on the floor
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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