I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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