the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
