i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
