he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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