I'm really into asian looking animals
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
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My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
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i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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