just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
