I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
