so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
