No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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