I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
