is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
