Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(804): View more from Virginia

god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.

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(785): View more from Kansas

So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.

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(309): View more from Illinois

They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend

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(734): View more from Michigan

Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum

Fav 4 2056 1087
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(574): View more from Indiana

I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.

Fav 7 1933 695
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(714): View more from California

She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge

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(231): View more from Michigan

High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.

Fav 2 21 27
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(954): View more from Florida

Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call

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