I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
